RIGHT AND WRONG ~ vs ~ WORKING AND NONWORKING

RIGHT AND WRONG ~ vs ~ WORKING AND NONWORKING

Recently while sitting and running a parenting group, the topic and/or question came up of “How do we start focusing on the positive rather than what’s wrong?”  This topic tends to be a general issue rather than a parent specific issue.  The issue at hand is that we spend more time focusing on what is wrong and thinking by doing this we can fix what is wrong and that our issues and troubles will be over.  The struggle is that when we spend our time on what is wrong we tend to see it as a continual stream of wrong. 

I enjoy working on motorcycles. I like being able to take a motorcycle that isn’t functioning well and by process of illumination, track down what is wrong and fix it.  After stripping it down, this strategy works in helping me find the issue and putting the bike back together. The bike then tends to work more effectively. While this strategy may work on bikes, this does not work when it comes to human beings.  Human beings are more complex creatures than a simple animate object that is designed to do specific tasks. Since it tends to work well in those areas, we have the tendency to apply this philosophy to the complexity of humanity.   I cannot look at myself and simply through a process of elimination, track down one simple issue, fix it, and have my life become flawless from there forward. 

There are a series of factors that play into the issues we all wrestle with.  Rather than spending our energy focusing on fixing what is wrong, there is a more effective strategy when it comes to dealing with humans and our own humanity.  One way is to simply shift our focus to look for those things that are “working” and “not working” in our lives.  When I identify the “working” pieces of my life, I can then start to see them as universal truths. I can then apply these truths not only to the issues they are working for but also use them on the things I may be struggling with.  For example, if I have the ability to let go of obsessive thoughts when it comes to work, that means I have the tools to let go of obsessive thoughts.  Therefore, if I am struggling with obsessive thoughts in my personal life, by focusing on how I am dealing with them in my work life and the processes I used to let go, I can then apply these same tools to my personal life for similar results.

We as human beings have a tendency to default to wrong and right thinking when it comes to problem solving. That may work on a carburetor; it does not work on hearts and minds of men and women. 

Dean N Nixon
Seminar Director, Life Coach

Giving Up is not an Option!

Being a parent has been one of the most rewarding and challenging responsibilities I have in my life.  Like other parents, I want the best for my children.  I want them to be honest and value themselves.  I want for them to work hard and do their best in all that they do.  I want them to make good choices and when they don't, take accountability for it and be a problem solver about it and/or ask for help when they are having a difficult time. 

I  have been truly blessed with wonderful kids.  That doesn't mean we don't have bad days.  Believe me, we have them.  I've recognized over the years of parenting my children, about 70% of it has been motivation through fear.  I use to beat myself up inside and hold a lot of guilt for the way I parented.  It stopped me from changing the way I chose to run the household.  When  I finally started to learn more about myself and the importance of taking care of my needs and the relationship I have with myself, it was then, that I started to take healthy risks and set boundaries with myself. 

I slowly discovered the greatness of my self worth and working on me mentally and emotionally.  The commitment I made to myself at that time was telling myself "Giving Up is not an Option."  I valued myself enough to be humble and allow others to help me.  Learning new skills and tools of how to create the same value in my children became such a success.  I no longer put myself down or hold on to the guilt.  I am quicker to forgive myself for past mistakes and mistakes that I continue to make.  And most important, my children are learning to find value within themselves and letting their voice be heard in the home.

"Giving Up is not an Option," it has helped me reach out to others when I thought I was going to lose myself.  I'm so happy to know that I can continue to progress in my journey as a parent. And to focus on the progress and not the mistakes.