Wednesday, January 16, 2013


A woman I was talking with the other day was berating herself on what a terrible parent she was because she couldn’t always control her children or the house wasn’t always clean, etc. When I investigated further about her children, I found they were straight "A" students in school, they seemed to have friends, were attending church and were basically really “good” children. She felt like every day was a struggle with her children. In her case, it was, since she has three children that have been diagnosed with Asperger and ADHD.

Her struggle was with her self-esteem and her decisions never seemed to be good enough. Every day each of us will struggle with the decisions of that day and make the best decisions we can, that day, based on what we know at that time. Tomorrow, next week or next year we may look back and say, “Wow, what was I thinking when I did that!” Tomorrow or next week you will have more information and more experience about the situation and therefore your decisions at that time will be different because of the additional information and experience. We need to learn to accept our decisions we make at any given time and move on knowing we did the best we could at that time.
Richard Y Moody, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Patience + Consistency = RESULTS!

A few weeks ago, I was at the supermarket purchasing some groceries.  I came across a mother and her two kids.  The kids were probably around the ages of 8 and maybe 7 years old.  I could see that this mother was very frustrated and just ready to leave the store.  The two young boys were fighting and yelling and would not listen to anything their mother was saying.  She began to use threat of taking away their favorite toys and putting them to bed early if they did not stop.  She started to yell at them and threaten to put them in the car if they did not listen.  Nothing worked.  She became very agitated, but continued to try and get them to stop fighting as she continued to shop.  Making threats and yelling was not getting anywhere with this mother.

Can you relate to this mother?  Have you ever been in this situation or similar to it?  I believe one of the biggest struggles parents face with their own children is the lack of Patience.  If you are a parent of a child who is continuously testing the limits of what you ask of them, it can be very challenging.  Our automatic thought is the need to keep this child under control.  Which can lead to more issues and less patience.

Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. 

It's definitely work to have patience with your children and be willing to work through the need to not have control over them, but to learn to influence them through building a relationship of trust.  What are you doing as parents to work on a stronger relationship with your children?   How do you come across to your children?  As parents, we need to be able to recognize when we are motivating ourselves and our children through fear.  And be able to stop and turn it into motivating through love.  Communication is one of the main tools here to apply.  Making the time to listen to your kids who need the time to talk with you and making time for the ones who need the time to just be with you and spending time together.  

How consistent are you with the things you say you are going to do when it comes to your children?
Consistency means you are willing to do or act upon what you committed to and there is no giving up when things start to become difficult or challenging.

I believe we all have the struggles of being consistent in our daily lives.  I know I do.  Regardless, of what the situation is, if we are not willing to commit and follow through with what we say we are going to do, we will not see the results we are looking for.  Parents who struggle to hold their children accountable or responsible for choices they make in life find themselves giving in to their kids behaviors because of the lack of patience and inconsistency in their efforts to change the way they parent. 

I encourage and challenge all parents to follow this equation to building a stronger relationship with your children.  


Wednesday, January 2, 2013


Thinking back on 2012, my kids and I have experienced our share of hardships and trials. This past year has been a huge blessing in disguise.  As a single parent, I have learned so much about what unconditional love is.  Not just from others around me or in my life, but within myself.  Everyday that I practice and put to work the tools and skills I have gained over this past year, I notice the change in myself and the willingness to face my fears with acknowledging the value in it.  Taking healthy risks and understanding that it might not always result in what I would hope for it to be, but to know that I am gaining a sense of security and confidence within myself to take it and accept it, is what I need.

Looking back at everything my family has gone through this past year, I am thankful to my Higher Power who has shown me the importance of the progress that is made and not to dwell on the failures or weaknesses, but to embrace the adversity and look at it as a learning and teaching opportunity.  I am truly thankful for my children and the ability each of them have to overcome trials in their lives and be able to continue to learn the meaning of their own significant value within themselves.

I have learned to understand this is an ongoing process for me as a parent to continue to focus on the value of life and its opportunities to do better and to remind myself that it is about progress and not perfection.  The New Year has given me hope, knowledge, wisdom, love, forgiveness, humility and so much more to not only apply in my own life, but to have the great opportunity to help others to see the value within themselves and hopefully teach it to their children and families as well.

The New Year is definitely looking forward to bigger and better things to come.  And to continue to progress in my journey as a parent to strive to do better each day in my relationship with the greatest blessings I have in my life.  My kids!